New Year's Resolutions Without Guilt
Resolution time again. To do lists get pulled out and we add to them our resolutions for the new year. Too frequently though, by February 1, our list of good intentions has been relegated to the junk drawer due to failed attempts. We're left feeling down or guilty for what we didn't do. But, what if the answer to avoiding the guilt was to simplify and not make a to do list?You're probably asking yourself, "How can I reach a New Year's resolution if I don't write it down? Isn't that the first rule of goal setting?" Don't panic. Writing down things to do and ways to improve can be a helpful tool in becoming who you want to be. But the trouble with to do lists is not that we use them, it's how we use them.In my therapy practice, I often hear individuals complain of feeling like they can't get everything done and then use their unmet resolutions and never-ending to do lists as evidence. I'm not suggesting you permanently toss your list, but rather wait. Before you write down resolutions for the new year, take a step back and acknowledge all of your important contributions and growth over the past year by creating what I call a "ta da" list. Doing so is a sure way to kiss guilt goodbye and start the new year feeling positive about who you are and what you've already accomplished.Include everything you saw, did or learned during the previous 12 months, as well as details of small things you and others at home or work tend to overlook (e.g. played in the park with the children, organized the linen closet, finished an important project at work, befriended an elderly neighbor). Remember to include the small relationship contributions you made to enrich the lives of those you love (e.g. supported a friend, prepared a church lesson, took your child to the doctor, made a special meal for your family).Here are some questions to help you get started on your "ta da" list:
- What have I done in the past year to provide physical or emotional support to someone else?
- How have I grown over the past year from life experiences and unexpected events?
- What have I done in the past year to better care for my physical and emotional health?
- What have I done that no one notices unless it doesn't get done?
Once you've taken time to reflect and focus on the many great things you have already accomplished, you can have more confidence and clarity as you create your resolutions for 2012.