Breaking free of people pleasing: Good Things Utah
People pleasing can manifest in various ways, stemming from factors such as female socialization, heightened sensitivity, or early childhood experiences influenced by family dynamics. As a child, the need to keep your parents content to avert their outbursts, rejection, or abuse likely led to the adoption of people-pleasing as a coping mechanism. Regardless of its origins, it's possible to transform your relational patterns as an adult.
People-pleasing comprises two primary components. Firstly, it involves striving to keep others content and shield them from distressing emotions, which may seem admirable. Secondly, it entails maintaining a positive image in others' eyes to bolster your self-esteem.
Here are some strategies to break free from the grip of people pleasing:
Recognize the Pattern
Identifying when you're slipping into people pleasing behavior marks the initial step in altering this pattern. It's crucial to acknowledge it and delve into the thoughts and emotions driving your people-pleasing tendencies.
Ask Yourself, "What Do I Want?"
Instead of constantly assessing situations based on others' needs, prioritize your own thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants. Recognize your desires as equally important, not subordinate to others' wishes.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Once you've pinpointed your thoughts and desires, express them in your relationships. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and compromise, so establish boundaries that promote this balance.
Risk Disappointing People
Developing the ability to tolerate others' displeasure with you is a skill that requires practice. Often, our self-worth hinges on others' validation and their favorable opinions of us. Remind yourself that you aren't responsible for others' emotions.
Learn Self-Validation
Rather than seeking validation by constantly trying to appease others, learn to provide yourself with the affirmation you seek from external sources. Positive self-talk can help you navigate others' challenging emotions without attempting to change them.
Practice Self-Compassion
Breaking free from the people-pleasing pattern can be a challenging process. Be kind to yourself and cultivate self-compassion, especially when you find yourself slipping back into old behaviors.
Wasatch Family Therapy is currently offering the first session for free (a $100 value) with our graduate interns, and reduced fees for subsequent sessions. To schedule your free session, text 801-413-3106 or visit our website at wasatchfamilytherapy.com We offer in-person sessions in Farmington, Lehi, Sandy, as well as virtual sessions serving clients throughout Utah.
