Is putting my spouse before my kids the best way to manage my parent/spouse relationships?: Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

Jennifer is a mother of 1 and a widow who recently remarried. Growing up, she always felt that her parents had a great relationship because they put each other first. Now that she is remarried, she wants to know if this approach is the best way to make sure everyone in her home is taken care of.

Instead of always setting one person before another, I encourage Jennifer to look for ways to balance her relationships with her daughter and husband. Rather than thinking of one coming before another, I invite her to strive for a balance between the two.

During our conversation we also tackle mom guilt and the false idea that mothers should be the only ones to care for their children. Because there is no such thing as a perfect person, letting your child spend time with different people gives them exposure to things you cannot offer them. This will make them a healthier, more well-rounded person.

Here’s a piece of what you’ll hear when you tune into our conversation:

They're [your spouse and your children] both important. [Not placing one before the other] makes it a little harder because you have to navigate that. It's not all or nothing, right? There are times when it's important to cancel date night. If you have a very sick child, you're going to prioritize in that situation taking care of the child. So to have a rule that's always or never is—I think—not helpful.

So where are those lines where you would protect or prioritize your child over your spouse?