Blog
Invisible Labor: Valuing the Unseen Contributions of Women
Several months ago, a family member recounted a small but powerful scenario that happened in her Sacrament Meeting. While conducting the meeting, the bishop acknowledged that one of his counselors was not present on the stand; his counselor’s wife was ill and he was sitting in the pews with his children. Interestingly, not once was the man’s spouse acknowledged for sitting alone with her children week after week while her husband sat on the stand. Why? Because women are expected to perform the bulk of the invisible labor required for maintaining relationships.
25 Things NOT to Say to a Loved One Leaving the LDS Church (& What TO Say Instead)
Finding out that a loved one has stepped away from Church activity or no longer believes in the Gospel can bring up a broad spectrum of emotions. Intense and often painful emotions can make it difficult to know what to say to your loved one about their choice to leave the Church.
25 Things NOT to Say to Believing Loved Ones
There are some common phrases that people who've left the Church say to believing love ones that are very painful, even if they're well-meaning. Once you've left the Church, you often want to share what you've learned with others. Here's a list of 25 things NOT to say to believing loved ones and what TO say instead. Everyone wants to be respected and validated.
25 Things NOT to Say to a Loved One Leaving the Church
There are some common phrases that believing loved ones say to loved ones leaving the Church that are often hurtful, even when they are said with positive intent. I’ve also worked with many people who have left the Church that long to hear certain thing from their family members.Here are 2 lists: what NOT TO say and TO say to a loved one leaving the Church. There’s an option to download PDF version that you can print out and share.
"My Life Didn't Turn Out as Planned, Now What?"
A mid-life Mormon Mom, Elizabeth, thought life would turn out a certain way if she did the right things: marry, stay home with her children. Her husband is struggling with a porn problem and now, she facing the possibility of divorce. She asks me for help in knowing how to find herself and prepare for her next steps.
Mormons and Shame: When You Feel You Don't Measure Up to the Ideal
There is nothing wrong with teaching ideals and one could argue that that is the primary job of religious institutions. However, in real life, holding up ideals often leaves members never feeling “good enough” because they have not achieved the ideal righteous Mormon life. Chronic feelings of “never good enough” because your life doesn’t look like an Ensign magazine cover, your child has left the Church, your spouse isn’t committed to church callings, you’re struggling with the word of wisdom, you’re having difficulty forgiving someone, you’re not a good provider, or you’re not an attentive mother or father, can erode our whole sense of self.
When it Comes to Parenting, Worry is Not Love
One aspect of any good relationship is a sense of concern for the other person’s well-being. Parenting is no exception. It’s common to want to shield your child from pain, mistakes, and heartache and to foster happiness and success. However, as your child grows, the stakes get higher, and your control over their safety and their choices diminishes drastically. To deal with this lack of control, parents may turn to worrying (unease or anxiety over real or potential problems) as a consolation.
Response to Meridian Magazine's 8 Things That Can Pull You Away from the Church
Dr. Julie Hanks When I read Meridian Magazine’s article 8 Things that Can Pull You Away from the Church yesterday morning my heart sank. Not because I disagree with the author's suggestions of ways strengthen one’s faith, but because it oversimplifies the complex process individuals go through when they decide to distance from or to leave the LDS Church.
Spiritual Differentiation: Claiming Personal Authority and Revelation
Following your personal authority and heeding counsel of the General Authorities is something members of the church must wrestle with, especially when they are (seemingly) at odds.
From Roles to Stewardship: Reframing Mormon Gender Roles
Over the past several months, I’ve noticed that in LDS circles, we often use the term “role” in reference to gender. From official talks over the pulpit, to blog posts, to casual conversations, it seems we’re always hearing about “gender roles”: role of men and women, role of mothers and fathers. The more I’ve noticed its use, the more uneasy I feel when I hear the word “role. ”