5 Ways to Support Early-Return Missionaries
Serving a full-time mission is somewhat of a rite of passage for many young adults (especially young men) in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But, some missionaries have experiences that cause them to return home before completing the full amount of time they had expected to serve. This can be a difficult challenge for the missionary, the family, and the community.
A recent survey of 300 early-returned missionaries reported that 73% had feelings of failure even though less than a quarter came home because of reasons relating to their worthiness (or choices). But no matter what the reason, young and women who come home early often find themselves in a painful situation.
Here are some ways to support early-return missionaries.
1) Celebrate their service
These young men and women need to feel like what they accomplished as a missionary is valued. Make sure to let them know that you are proud of them for being willing to leave the comfort of home to make a tremendous sacrifice for what they believe. No matter if they served for ten months or 1 day, focus on celebrating the missionary’s service. These young men and women did fail; rather they succeeded in valiantly serving the Lord.
2) Don’t make it about you!
Sometimes family members (particularly parents) of a young adult who returns home early from a mission feel responsible. But it is in no way a reflection of you as a parent. Needlessly blaming yourself is not the answer; instead, focus on loving a child who is suffering and in pain. Resist the tendency to make the situation about you. The missionary needs all the love and support you have, so make sure you are giving your full attention to that.
3) Listen to their experiences and emotions
A missionary who comes home early is undoubtedly experiencing a range of emotions and feelings about the subject (shame, embarrassment, awkwardness, anxiety, and even relief are a few examples). Missionaries who unexpectedly return home early need to tell their stories but on their own terms. The best thing you can do is provide a safe environment where these young men and women can feel comfortable talking through their experiences without feeling judged or like they’ve disappointed anyone. Many of them are aching to tell what happened, and they need you to be a safe haven.
4) Let them decide the next step
Along with the intense feelings that come with the unexpected return home, these early-return missionaries eventually must figure out what to do next. Not only has their life plan has been disrupted, but they now must make extremely important decisions about their future: Should they go back on their mission? This works for some elders and sisters, but it’s not always in their best interest. Should they go to college or get a job? The choice is theirs to make, and you can support your missionary by respecting his/ her next step.
5) Practice self-compassion
This last step means that ultimately, the missionary must own the experience in order to find peace and move on. This may seem tremendously difficult, as there are very sensitive feelings involved with coming home. But, the individual must find a way to tactfully explain in an appropriate amount of detail what happened when others will inevitably ask. A young man might say, “You know, I really struggled, and I realized that the best thing for me to do would be to come home,” or a young woman could say, “I counseled with my mission president, and after we both prayed about it, we decided I should come back to work some things out.” But no matter how our early-return missionaries answer, they need the unconditional love and support of their families.